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Author: Kavita mehta thukral

It is said that order and chaos are the fundamental elements of your being. They co-exist and there is always some chaos that is lurking under the ‘order’ of living. Knowingly or unknowingly, we inhabit a world of order that is surrounded by chaos. We are so blinded by order that we ignore the tell-tale signs of chaos. So, whenever chaos strikes, it looks like a freefall with flailing arms, clueless mind and a general feeling of being overwhelmed. And when life becomes too much to handle, one feels numb, unable to perceive or feel anything. Take a pause. Think a bit. Dig in a bit deeper. You will realize that you have personally encountered that realm of chaos and have made it your temporary residence for a while. It can be in the form of a bitter break up, a career upheaval, a bad boss, a nasty colleague, unrequited love, illness of closed ones, or for that matter, death. What Is Chaos? Worry, change, deception, lies, betrayal, grief, loss of stable ground – all of these comprise CHAOS. An encounter with any of these turns your life topsy-turvy. A spin that makes you dizzy. A roller coaster with more dips than highs. A space ride which leaves you reeling, unbounded and unsupported. Regardless of how planned or sorted out your life is, there is always some room for something unfamiliar and undesired to make its appearance. How does one make sense out of this? How does one strike a balance between these two interlinked, interconnected fundamentals that make up your being? How does one deal with this duality of life? How does one chart from the explored territory of Order to the unexplored territory of Chaos? What is the compass that guides you? Come to think of it, it is a balancing act. It boils down to where you place your foot while balancing. What you need to do is put one foot in what you have understood and have a deep knowledge of and place the other foot into what you are currently exploring. Many things begin to fall in place when you make a conscious attempt to understand the world with this lens. So, the next time that happens, when you are pushed out of your comfort zone, your order into the unknown and scary realm of chaos, find your feet and strike a balance. Take, for example, a bad work atmosphere where you are feeling stifled. Instead of whining and ranting about it to all and sundry, you can take a deep breath and assess things from a logical perspective. It takes conscious efforts to put your decisions in practice. You can quit if it is too much to bear and explore things that you really like to do, but it should not be decided on the basis of an impulse, Why go further? When I was benched for an indefinite period because of a delay in some government licensing, my life went into a tizzy. From being busy for 30 hours in a 24-hour day, I had all the time on my hand, with me twiddling my thumbs waiting for that call and a goddamn signature by government officials so that I can start working at the breakneck speed that I was accustomed to. I did not know how to be not busy. I did not know what it is to wait. To get up every morning with the hopes that today will be the day when I will get the approval and to sleep with despair over the day getting wasted. My oh-so-precious time now meant nothing. And this was my unexplored territory. My version of chaos. One fine day I decided to stop waiting and take a break from all this. A trip to the mountains might help to clear my head a bit. So, going solo for the ‘Hampta’ Pass trek where I didn’t know anyone was a difficult call to take. The weather gods played truant, making it a little more difficult. But, sometimes the feet have to travel to make the journey inward possible. And I wasn’t looking for answers or have a head full of questions. I just wanted TO BE. Enjoy the beauty of being. Rediscover my grace. Retrace paths and also forge new ones. Celebrate moments and the friends made. Experience the vast expanse of one’s own self while feeling like a speck of dust in the universe. Prune what is unnecessary. Bid farewell graciously. Let the starry skies serve as roadmaps. And the bonfire nights kindle the spark within. Let the soul sing its own songs. Let the stories be bereft of longing and belonging. Live truly, fully and beautifully. And that is what I did. I learned to straddle that ground. I learned to balance my chaos with my order, to channelize my energy. I am sure we all are going to encounter this crossroad at some point or other in this journey of life. Choose wisely and meaningfully. Instead of drowning in that overwhelming feeling, find a way out. Chart a new path. Sprout new wings and learn to fly. Don’t get stuck in the rut because you are scared to leave your comfort zone. Growth happens in Chaos. Embrace it. Make it one of your own. Gift yourself your own better version.
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