My struggles as an overweight person
Most of us who have been overweight or who are overweight would relate to this. There will be some of photos that you hate. Photos that you would never think of showing to anyone…because you clearly do not feel comfortable about how you look in them. You might actually not like getting yourselves clicked, you may hide behind others or stand at a particular angle hoping to look better. I’ve done all this and it felt like a struggle. Much the same way, buying and trying on new clothes is a struggle. Sometimes exhausting. Most of us would have clothes in a variety of sizes. Some were bought hoping we might lose weight and fit in. Some clothes that stopped fitting because we gained even more weight. Seeing yourself in the trial room with mirrors all around could be another depressing experience. It was for me. I would look at my clothes in trial room mirrors but I avoided making an eye contact with myself. Imagine that? Disliking the sight of my own body. And then at some point black became my favorite color, for reasons that you can easily guess. You might be an extrovert. You might be very confident. You might be very successful and happy. But deep within you are bothered by your physique. Sometimes because of evil body shaming by others or because you felt the regret comparing yourself with others. Add to this the names your friends and family might give you – Moti/ Motu/ Golu Molu/ Chubby cheeks and the likes. Cute nicknames, right? No, No, No!! And who can forget those sudden bouts of emotions? In social setting, you carefully curate your plate with “right” kinds of food knowing others will judge you for your food choices. But when alone, the stress and pressure of being judged sometimes pushes you into binge eating. You might speak about these things and feelings with someone…Or… You may keep them buried deep within you, sometimes ignoring them and sometimes accepting them. These are just some of the mental struggles that you might go through being overweight. Besides being a physical challenge, it is a mental struggle. Double challenge!! I’ve been fat for the better part of my life and I know I’ve had these mental struggles. Sometimes they bothered me and made me sad. Other times I chose to ignore them. But the struggle was always there. It also impacted my relationships. I believe getting fit is mainly a mental battle and not as much a physical one. It’s true, your mind gives up far before your body does. Day in and day out it is your mind that you have to keep in control, it is your thoughts and habits that you have to change. The photos on the left are such photos, which at that time I would have never shown anyone. However, today having transformed myself, when I see that photo and compare it with how far I’ve come, I am so proud of myself. 2-3 years ago even in my dreams I had never thought that something like this is even possible, let alone I can do it. However, the mental battles have not ended. The habits that I had for so many years, that led me to becoming fat most part of my life, are still there beneath the surface. Everyday I make conscious decisions to maintain and keep working on my transformation, to keep moving towards newer goals now that I know what all is possible. It has no doubt become easier to control the mind and most of the times I am able to. However, there still are times that I give in to my old habits, give in to my temptations. I am only human and I am bound to make mistakes. Work on your mind. Trust the process. It is going to take time, but it is possible. You are bound to make mistakes and falter along the way. But keep working. Make the possibility a reality.